Just Another Thursday Night

Last night I was working answering a hotline for domestic violence. I work at a women's shelter. It was a fairly quiet evening so I decided to make the ladies some cookies as an evening snack. I was in the kitchen at the shelter, listening to some music and kind of humming along- after all, it's just another Thursday night to me- thinking about weekend plans. Then the hotline rang. I answered it and you never know what you're going to get when you answer that line. Sometimes the women are completely calm and collected, they've finally decided to leave and they are almost numb about it. Sometimes women are angry when they call. But this time, the woman was hysterical. I could barely understand anything she said, but I could pick out that there had just been a fight between she and her husband and she needed to get out. I let her talk even though I couldn't understand her, and when she was through I talked to her about the shelter. She realized that she needed to take care of a few things so I told her I'd be waiting for her to call back so we could bring her in. She hung up and I sat for a minute, just thinking about how it's just another Thursday night, but for her, her life just fell apart. Suddenly, she is homeless and alone. I'm sure, like everyone, she thought that this could never happen to her. I think we've all experienced this feeling, in various degrees; we believe that something can never happen to us but then it does. We all think that so many things are distant problems that won't ever find their way to us, but when they do- it crashes into the reality we believed existed and throws us into a reality we don't understand. For this woman, she suddenly understood that her husband is not the man she believed he was. Her whole reality changed. It makes me wonder how many people that happened to on Thursday night. You never know what people are going through.

A friend of mine shared a photo journal about domestic violence that I found to be both disturbing and important- if that's okay to say.
I have always thought photo journals are so interesting, because you can really capture so much in a photograph (especially when captions are provided). And with this content, a photo journal is so powerful; it brings you (fortunately and unfortunately) into the room with the abuse taking place.
Here's the link:
Photo Journal: Domestic Violence

I'm so glad the photographer included photographs of the couple happy as well as their fight. A lot of times victims don't recognize the abusive situation they are in because they do have happy times, and because the batterer often apologizes and expresses remorse. I won't take the time to talk about how women need to stop listening to words and listen to actions (excluding "I'm sorry" actions) right now.
Though some woman's Thursday night may have been the worst night of her life so far, it was also another Thursday night of healing for others. I had the chance to sit in on a support group on the same night and I was so humbled by the hope and faith of the women present. They shared stories of their abuse and stories about their anger and frustration, their helplessness and their difficulty with PTSD. Most of them have what the counselor called "learned helplessness"- which she described as a result of their batterer's constant belittling and anger when they tried to progress or change. Eventually, the victim stops trying to make friends, stops trying in school, and stops trying at everything since no matter how hard they work, it's never good enough. This information was a wake up to me. I feel fairly knowledgable about domestic violence, and had never considered why these women often have difficulty finding jobs and housing while in the shelter. But I digress, on to hope...
After the women shared their dark memories, they began to talk about hope and faith. One woman said, my Savior has brought me this far, I know he won't forsake me now. Many of the other women said similar things. I am not allowed to talk about religion or faith as an employee, but it warmed my heart as they spoke of the love they know their Savior has for them. I learned a lot that night, though your world may have collapsed and your reality has disappeared, if you KNOW that Christ is your Savior and that He loves you, you can find hope and happiness again. That is a lesson I learn over and over again and I am grateful for the example of these wonderful women!