Marriage

Though this week is Easter, and I was hoping to focus more on Christ and His treatment of women, the Supreme Court's discussions on protecting the Defense of Marriage Act has motivated me to write a little on the subject. As should be clear by now, I believe that men and women are very different with different strengths and purposes, yet equal. Together, a man and woman improve each other and teach each other. Marriage is when men and women can become one and work together to find lasting joy and happiness. Though I am not married, I have seen my sister's marriages up close on several occasions. I have seen my sisters grow from teenagers, to young adults, to wives and then to mothers. They have grown in many ways and it is amazing to see the women they have become as they have served their families. They have turned away from selfishness to selflessness. They have, on many occassions, given up things for the sake of their families. They have made decisions based on the needs of their children, instead of their own desires and even needs. And in these sacrifices, they have found joy; a joy that I look forward to experiencing in my own life. They also find a balance in life that can only come from two different people, with different views and opinions working together to find compromise. Everyone deserves to find joy in living outside of themselves, of enjoying family and finding deeper meaning in life. Yet, I feel that those seeking homosexual marriage will find continued disappointment, even if they receive all the rights they desire. Countless studies have been done on marriage and the benefits of it, emotionally, physically, etc. But this is based on marriage in a traditional sense- marriage between a man and a woman. This new hybrid marriage that is proposed is something entirely different, and cannot be expected to provide the same joy and benefit as traditional marriage is proven to do. While these advocating for homosexual marriage and rights desire the same level of satisfaction found by heterosexual marriages, they fail to account for the differences and consequences of a same sex marriage. We try so hard in society to make situations the way we want them, but in so excusing and ignoring certain facts, we are sure to fail- and same sex marriage is one of the many instances of this societal blindness. It reminds me of college. In college, you study a lot of moral issues, social issues and theories. We all get to a point where we think we can save the world. On paper, everything we want to work out can. Then we graduate and real life comes with a swift kick in the pants. Then we realize, life is more complicated than the theories we have on paper. The experimentation with same sex marriage is one of those issues. While we want to say, everyone is equal! and we should all have a rights to experience joy in family! and we need to show we're not biased by supporting the cause! Well, the idea is all good and fine, but we have to understand that this is real life. The consequences are real, are we ready to accept them? We don't know how same sex couple parenting affects children. We know that single parenting has a negative effect on children, but single parenting can't be avoided in a lot of cases. The children are going to be the ones influenced by the decisions being made. How can we consciously make decisions without having their best interest at heart? Children are entitled to a mother and a father. To go along with my thoughts, I found an article courageously written by a homosexual who is opposed to same sex marriage. His thoughts are intellectual and reasonable, taking into consideration real life and consequences. See the link below:

http://www.thepublicdiscourse.com/2013/03/9432/

The Hope of Sunday

Going along with my post from yesterday, I thought I'd continue the thought of hope. At church today, our congregation's leader reminded us that the Thursday before Easter is when the Atonement began, as member's of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints believe, in the garden of Gethsemane. Christ's suffering for our sins, weaknesses, illnesses and pains was begun that night. I'm sure it was a dark night. It reminded me of my thoughts from week about the dark nights we all face. But as we encounter the hardships of life, the hope and peace of Easter Sunday lies beyond those dark nights. Because I can't tell the women at the shelter that Christ died and was resurrected for them, that He loves them and that they can have hope, I am saying it to you. Though we have terrible times and dark trials, the light and hope of Christ will lead us through our life's Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays until we get to Sunday. Below is an Apostle of Jesus Christ, Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin, testifying of the hope the Resurrection of Christ brings.

Just Another Thursday Night

Last night I was working answering a hotline for domestic violence. I work at a women's shelter. It was a fairly quiet evening so I decided to make the ladies some cookies as an evening snack. I was in the kitchen at the shelter, listening to some music and kind of humming along- after all, it's just another Thursday night to me- thinking about weekend plans. Then the hotline rang. I answered it and you never know what you're going to get when you answer that line. Sometimes the women are completely calm and collected, they've finally decided to leave and they are almost numb about it. Sometimes women are angry when they call. But this time, the woman was hysterical. I could barely understand anything she said, but I could pick out that there had just been a fight between she and her husband and she needed to get out. I let her talk even though I couldn't understand her, and when she was through I talked to her about the shelter. She realized that she needed to take care of a few things so I told her I'd be waiting for her to call back so we could bring her in. She hung up and I sat for a minute, just thinking about how it's just another Thursday night, but for her, her life just fell apart. Suddenly, she is homeless and alone. I'm sure, like everyone, she thought that this could never happen to her. I think we've all experienced this feeling, in various degrees; we believe that something can never happen to us but then it does. We all think that so many things are distant problems that won't ever find their way to us, but when they do- it crashes into the reality we believed existed and throws us into a reality we don't understand. For this woman, she suddenly understood that her husband is not the man she believed he was. Her whole reality changed. It makes me wonder how many people that happened to on Thursday night. You never know what people are going through.

A friend of mine shared a photo journal about domestic violence that I found to be both disturbing and important- if that's okay to say.
I have always thought photo journals are so interesting, because you can really capture so much in a photograph (especially when captions are provided). And with this content, a photo journal is so powerful; it brings you (fortunately and unfortunately) into the room with the abuse taking place.
Here's the link:
Photo Journal: Domestic Violence

I'm so glad the photographer included photographs of the couple happy as well as their fight. A lot of times victims don't recognize the abusive situation they are in because they do have happy times, and because the batterer often apologizes and expresses remorse. I won't take the time to talk about how women need to stop listening to words and listen to actions (excluding "I'm sorry" actions) right now.
Though some woman's Thursday night may have been the worst night of her life so far, it was also another Thursday night of healing for others. I had the chance to sit in on a support group on the same night and I was so humbled by the hope and faith of the women present. They shared stories of their abuse and stories about their anger and frustration, their helplessness and their difficulty with PTSD. Most of them have what the counselor called "learned helplessness"- which she described as a result of their batterer's constant belittling and anger when they tried to progress or change. Eventually, the victim stops trying to make friends, stops trying in school, and stops trying at everything since no matter how hard they work, it's never good enough. This information was a wake up to me. I feel fairly knowledgable about domestic violence, and had never considered why these women often have difficulty finding jobs and housing while in the shelter. But I digress, on to hope...
After the women shared their dark memories, they began to talk about hope and faith. One woman said, my Savior has brought me this far, I know he won't forsake me now. Many of the other women said similar things. I am not allowed to talk about religion or faith as an employee, but it warmed my heart as they spoke of the love they know their Savior has for them. I learned a lot that night, though your world may have collapsed and your reality has disappeared, if you KNOW that Christ is your Savior and that He loves you, you can find hope and happiness again. That is a lesson I learn over and over again and I am grateful for the example of these wonderful women! 

Happy International Women's Day

Women's Day is something I had to learn about in Armenia, because they actually celebrate it there! It is an international holiday yet here in America, it normally goes without recognition- though I have noticed for the last two years that the Google icon appreciates it! Women's day is not only celebrated in Armenia, however, it is cherished. The LDS church I attended there had a big luncheon for all the women, the men even came and told us how wonderful we are. Every man we passed on the street called out, "congratulations on your March 8th!" A lot of men even handed us small but well appreciated flowers. It was pretty great and a much needed relief from the more common disrespectful attitude. Nonetheless, a large impression was made on me that day and I have celebrated Women's Day ever since.
In honor of Women's Day, I wanted to post about a contemporary artist who is known as JR. He is a Parisian artist who started out as a graffiti artist in his teens but found a camera and decided to fuse the two. Not only his technique is interesting, but also his subject matter and purpose. His project "Women are heroes" is what I want to focus on for this special day. To complete this project, JR travelled to some of the most poverty stricken countries in the world, and spoke with women in the poorest villages. Then he spoke with the women about their lives, their struggles and their experiences. Next, he photographed them and plastered their blown up photographs on rooftops, trains, building sides...etc. "I was interested in women", JR states, "because I realized in the projects I had done before- most of the time in the kind if places I was going to- it was men on the street, but it's actually the women who are the ones holding the community together."
In 2008 JR travelled to Rio's oldest and most dangerous favela, Morro da Providencia. As JR photographed the women, he asked each woman to "give [him] something real". Instead of expected faces of despair, these women displayed "really strong eyes because they knew they would be facing the community", said JR.
In case you are concerned about this graffiti inspired art, don't be. JR's work is also socially and somewhat environmentally conscience. For example, in Kibera, he printed the rooftop photographs on vinyl so the homes they were displayed on would be waterproof- a luxury. Iron used in one project was afterwards distributed to the community participants.
To learn more about the project "Women are heroes" see this YouTube video.

In honor of Women's Day, here are some foundations I have found that are highly recommended ways of contributing to women's health and safety across the world. By going to www.globalgiving.org

Or
www.kiva.org
You can set up an account and be linked "people to people". You will be linked directly to a person overseas. You can browse through needs and and donate or lend to a cause or situation of your choice. Also, Women for Women International has really appealed to me. You sponsor a woman and can keep in contact with whoever you are sponsoring- I like that because I think you can get a better sense of what e situation is and where your money is going. It also helps you know your money isn't getting lost in a nonprofit office in NYC. If you decide you want to help someone, those are the options recommended by the book "Half the Sky" which I will discuss more in depth at a later time.

If, however, money is tight and you're not ready to get involved financially yet, just take a moment today to thank a woman for being the strong person she is! I'm personally grateful for the amazing examples of my mom and sisters in my life. They are strong, wonderful women that I look up to and learn from everyday. So, thanks Mom! For teaching me how to be strong!



For more information on the history of Women's Day see UN Women Watch