Freedom = Control

Freedom means (by google's definition, with which I agree) "The power or right to act, speak, or think as one wants without hindrance or restraint". Freedom is obviously the thing for which we seek as women. I would change, however, that we seek the opportunity to be heard rather than to speak. However, changing laws and imposing women's liberation throughout the working world hasn't exactly helped male/female relationships to be equal. So the question is, how can we as women promote equality in our relationships? A recent study done at Princeton has proven that women who are immodestly dressed lose the control they have in a male/female relationship. CNN reported, "In the men who scored highest on hostile sexism [in this study], the part of the brain associated with analyzing another person's thoughts, feelings and intentions was inactive while viewing scantily clad women." The article continued to state, 

"A supplementary study on both male and female undergraduates found that men tend to associate bikini-clad women with first-person action verbs such as I "push," "handle" and "grab" instead of the third-person forms such as she "pushes," "handles" and "grabs." They associated fully clothed women, on the other hand, with the third-person forms, indicating these women were perceived as in control of their own actions."

This study scientifically shows that "scantily clad" women give up their control, due to the perception of the men around them. As the first quote shows, these women forfeit the opportunity to be understood. Interesting, isn't it? I personally choose to be heard. I choose to have my opinions taken seriously and to be treated as an equal human, in control of my own actions. If that means rockin my one piece on the beach instead of a bikini, so be it. 


In addition, I have had the opportunity to work with victims of sexual assault recently. They are strong women, and men, who are overcoming horrible obstacles in their lives because of the terrible actions of others. These victims never invited the behavior on themselves. I agree that being a "scantily clad" woman does NOT give others the right to assault these women. With that said, a therapist I work with once explained to me a study she was a part of. Several sexual assault perpetrators were taken to a mall and individually escorted into an open, busy area of the mall to pick who they would attack, given the chance. Every perpetrator individually picked the same woman. In discussion after the study, the perpetrators admitted they could not remember her face. She appeared vulnerable, which was their reason for picking her. As I said, no victim is ever to be blamed for the sad actions of a disturbed perpetrator, yet it is important to consider, what vibe am I sending to those around me? How am I being perceived? Am I perceived as confident in myself and my personality, am I in control of my own actions? or, am I vulnerable, placing the emphasis of myself on my body instead of my character? 

Fifty Shades of Grey

This weekend, I heard of a situation that is common in the world; a boy playing too rough. As the motto goes, boys will be boys, yet I wonder, why do we accept men at their basest selves? Why do we allow the media to perpetuate stereotypes that men are dominating and women are submissive and subject to men? The situation was that a grown woman was hanging out with some friends when one of the men began to wrestle her. He hurt her, maybe unintentionally the first time, but instead of backing off, continued to rough house her as she told him to stop, that he was hurting her. The night concluded with him tying her hands up and holding her to the floor. Her wrists were bloody, to the point that she was embarrassed to go to work. The man continues to claim he did nothing wrong. This situation isn't new, nor is it uncommon. Sadly, it is understandable behavior due to the popular acceptance of "erotic fiction" as we find in the widely acclaimed and New York Times hit, Fifty Shades of Grey. Fifty Shades of Grey's disturbing themes are a threat to gender equality and all of the wonderful advances society could be making in marriages and families. Feminism was at its beginnings, a push for women to be accepted as intellectual beings, creative persons who could contribute to society in many ways. But what has the result been? A higher level of pornography, demeaning books, movies that show women to be merely dangerous and manipulative, using their feminine wiles to bring down a powerful man; the femme fatale.  I lived for a year and a half in a country where women are still suppressed in every way. It is a male dominated society in which women are expected to submit to their husbands without question. This country fears feminism and rejects its positive advancements because they have watched what our beautiful country has become. The domestic violence rate in that country is 60-80%, yet there are virtually no measures being taken to help the situation. These women would love the chance to have marriages without abuse, while on the other side of the world, we celebrate stories that imprison women. Why we would accept this book which contradicts our very cause in women's liberation, I have no idea. I am confident that this book can do nothing but add to the struggles our society is already facing with broken marriages due to pornography addictions and the alarming rate of domestic violence and sexual assault/ rape. Women, stop allowing us to be demeaned. Stop accepting eroticism as normal.